We're back at last! And not a moment too soon. I thought I was going to melt in the face of so much terrible summer television. Let's kick things off with five important lessons from the season 4 premiere of Parks and Recreation.
1. You can't run away from your problems...especially if you have only nine toes.
2. L-Shaped chocolate eclairs lead to insta-sex.
3. Always keep a bag of provisions stashed away in a ventilation shaft in case terrifying ex-wives return.
4. "Anne, you beautiful naive sophisticated new-born baby."
5. You don't need to find Patricia Clarkson, she'll find you.