If Arnold Schwarzenegger Narrated Classic Films

DVD commentary tends to be marginally informative at best, and totally self-aggregandizing at worst. In the commentary for Total Recall, Arnold Schwarzenegger adopts a different tactic: literally state every going-on on screen, with insight such as "Again I got away." Here's a sampling:

But what if Arnold were to apply his considerably nonsensical narrating skill to other classic films? Here's our anticipated results:


Citizen Kane "I love this part! He named his sled Rosebud! Isn't that great?"


Star Wars "And now Luke's about to find out that his father is Darth Vader. You can sense the anxiety on his face."


Black Swan "He tells her the story of Swan Lake even though she's performed it a hundred times before. Isn't he helpful?"


Labyrinth "David Bowie has really big balls. He's no girlyman. Look at him playing with his balls."


Gone With the Wind "This is when he tells her he doesn't give a damn. He's kind of rude, but awesome."

As always, play along in the comments!

This entry was posted on and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 . You can leave a response .

3 Responses to “ If Arnold Schwarzenegger Narrated Classic Films ”

  1. I think that was the first and, I think, only commentary he ever did and I remember reading that he demanded and was paid $75,000 to do it.

  2. $75,000! for this!

  3. "No matter what I do, the kissing, the hugging with her, I'm more interested in what's going on on Mars."

    You and every man in history, Arnie.



Powered by Blogger.