Revenge isn't a show I regularly recap, because quite frankly, I wouldn't even know where to start (I will kindly refer you to Hello, tailor, who has written an unmissable post on the fabulous sartorial stylings of one eccentric billionaire, Nolan Ross: http://hellotailor.blogspot.com/2011/10/new-style-crush-nolan-ross-in.html).
But don't mistake my wordlessness for a lack of interest. Here are 5 reasons we should all be grateful for the return of Emily Thorne and her various doppelgangers.
1. Jawdroppers - I rely on Revenge to bring me the gasps that The Good Wife inspired in its second season. Anything goes, and that isn't just a marketing ploy. I still worry whether its relentless pace is sustainable, but to be honest, I've been worrying about that since episode three, and 15 episodes later, the writers haven't disappointed.
2a. Music Part 1 - The ridiculously over the top classical music (usually cello) that accompanies 90% of the DRRRRRRAMA. I feel like like this old promo says it all:
2b. Music Part 2 - The wonderful female covers of traditionally masculine songs that accompany the remaining 10% of the DRRRRRRAMA (let's face it, it's Revenge. There's nothing but drama). Yes, folks, that's a Metallica song below.
3. Nolan Ross - What on earth would we do without his bizarre non sequiturs? In a show that often plays like an even darker version of Veronica Mars, he's the one true friend, the one who gets himself mixed up in the darkness, knows it, and still comes back for more. And always with a sly wit.
4. Madeleine Stowe and Emily van Camp - What would this female-driven show be without its leading ladies? Revenge takes a lot of stick for its overt genre trappings, but at the end of the day, these are two of the most complicated, well-developed female characters that have ever graced the tv screen. Neither of them fit neatly into the heroine/villain tropes, and we wouldn't have them any other way.
5. Eye candy - No one on this show's gonna break any camera lenses, but there's an uncommonly attractive cast of characters. Emily van Camp's a heartbreaker, of course, but I personally cannot choose between her two loves (narratively speaking, though, Daniel has to die. Let's see if this bears out). I'll let my 14 year old self stare at Nick Wechsler until she works it out. Play along in the comments. Preferable with pictures.